November 8th's The Chew - Country yes, Western…not so much

Found myself slightly offended when The Chew cast was dressed in Western style cowboy clothes but talking in faux accents that sounded more like Gomer Pyle, “Aint” Bea, and other rural Southern media archetypes.  One only need hear a person say a word like athlete to know the difference. Out here in the west, it sounds like a 3 syllable word  beginning with a short A (ath-uh-lete) whereas in the deep South, it sounds like the 2 syllable word it is but takes longer to say and begins with a long A (Ayyyeeeth – leeyt).

Then I really found myself baffled when Carla Hall started making cheese grits in a skillet on a set that was decidedly Western with its brand marks, saloon doors, etc.  I’ve lived in the West my entire life and had never even seen let alone tasted grits until I visited the South.  Media synergy is behind many a stretch when it comes to tying in the latest project they’re trying to pimp with the program du jour, so the disconnect between The Chew’s dressing like cowboys but cooking and talking like Paula Deen finally cleared up when it became obvious that today’s show was just a tease for the upcoming CMA awards on ABC.  They were going country-western, not just country, and the western part of country-western showed up when Tim Love made his ribs with a new take on how to eat beets.

Mario’s wings and Alabama BBQ sauce was a disconnect for me as well. I think of wings as a Buffalo NY thing that spread throughout the US. I’ve been to Alabama and the wings were fried there like they are in Buffalo, not grilled, and served w/ blue cheese or Ranch dressing.  The white BBQ sauce was served with just about everything else you can think of, chicken, ribs, bread, even French fries, but not chicken wings.  It’s a staple in northern Alabama, served with just about every grilled or BBQed dish in that part of the state. Go a couple of hours south, like to Montgomery & it’s hit or miss. Drive an hour or so across the state line into Tennessee, Georgia or Mississippi, & it’ll be hard to find someone who’s even heard of it, let alone serves it, and good luck finding it in as far south as Mobile unless you go to a chain restaurant like Big Bob Gibson’s which started in Decatur, AL but is now found across the South. I’ve eaten at the one in Monroe, NC which would’ve been fine if I were in the mood for ‘Bama style BBQ. Unfortunately, my mouth was watering for NC style BBQ with that spicy vinegar sauce – which is not on their menu, even in NC.

There are about as many recipes for White BBQ sauce as there are families in northern Alabama. Some use sugar like Mario did, others, like Big Bob Gibson, don’t. Some use lemon juice, others don’t. Some use cayenne, others don’t. Some use granulated garlic and/or powdered mustard, others don’t. The only ingredients that every one of the recipes has in common are mayonnaise, prepared horseradish, salt, pepper & vinegar … and even that is up for debate. Some use white vinegar like Mario, others like Big Bob Gibson, use apple cider vinegar. 

I make a lower calorie version using no sugar, heavier on the horseradish & vinegar while lighter on the mayo – both in amount and type.  Mario’s called for 2 cups of mayonnaise, which is more mayo than most Alabamans use in their recipes. Their versions tend to be more like a sauce and less like the dip Mario made.

My Light & White ‘Bama BBQ Sauce

• ½  cup Best Foods (Hellman’s in the East) Light Mayo with Olive Oil  
• ¼ c white or cider vinegar depending on what I have
• 2 TBSP prepared horseradish
• fresh ground black pepper, cayenne pepper to taste

Wisk them all together and serve with grilled or BBQed meat or poultry. It is great on one of those grocery store rotisserie chickens. For a quick dinner, serve on sandwich rolls with the sauce drizzled on the chicken with more on the side for dipping.  We use it a lot at home on hot sandwiches made with leftover roast, but our favorite is as an accompaniment to Beer Can Chicken, where an opened, full beer can is stuffed into the cavity of a whole bird, then set upright onto a grill over a drip pan and cooked using indirect heat. 

Carla’s Grandma’s Biscuits & Sausage Gravy Ozzified & Chicken Fried “Fake”

Chocolate on The Chew today - nothing I could modify to come closer in line with my diet than Daphne's yummy desserts.  Don't feel bad for me though - I'm too full for dessert anyway because I made Carla Hall's biscuits and sausage gravy and used them in a whole new way, Ozzified of course.


Carla’s Biscuits and Gravy  were already Ozzified beyond belief. 

Carla gave so many tips on how to make biscuits light and fluffy, the most important of which was to not overwork it. It made me want to smack myself upside the head & say, “OF COURSE! Why didn’t I think of that???”  I already knew that kneading bread developed the gluten to make it denser & that overworking pie crust makes it tough. It was more of a DUH moment than an AHA one.  By seeing EXACTLY what she meant by when the dough was done enough to drop, I saw why my biscuits never quite measured up to my own grandma’s.  A short time later, a Bisquik commercial came up so I decided to make Bisquik biscuits using Carla’s tweaks & OMG!!! They came out unbelievably fluffy & light, & I was even using the Heart Smart version!   

The tricks that worked were 

• to use a 40% Greek yogurt to 60% milk ratio for the liquid (both were 2% milkfat)
• working it like Carla did, just until incorporated
• dropping it onto the baking sheet (I use a well-seasoned stone) by the spoonful. Carla baked hers @ 500 degrees for 5-8 minutes, but I followed the box directions and baked them @ 450 until they were golden brown.

After seeing umpteen episodes of the Dr. Oz Show with him exhorting us to eschew low fiber white flour products & to make it a habit to eat fiber dense whole grain products instead, I have tried making whole grain biscuits on numerous occasions. To say the results were disasterous would be an understatement, unless my goal was to create an edible hockey puck for the NHL. Because of these failed attempts, I wasn’t going to try again until I had an AHA moment when Daphne was described as putting the yum in psyllium husks.  I decided to experiment with Carla’s recipe and technique by adding a tablespoon of psyllium husks into the Bisquik before I added the yogurt/milk mixture. Oh Heck Yeah – they were AWE-SOME!!!!  

I don’t know if Dr. Oz would approve or not, but I can tell you that the fiber content per batch was quadrupled.  There are probably some glycemic issues with the heavily processed white flour & being a schoolteacher doesn’t qualify me to speculate on whether my additions counteract any of those issues.  

The biscuits were great on their own and held up well under Carla's Sausage Gravy. Her use of turkey sausage, olive oil and butternut squash were already Ozzifications even Daphne could love so I wasn't going to change a thing until I saw a post on The Chew discussion board by someone who could not find turkey sausage @ her grocer.  I suggested meatless sausage as an alternative because I’ve used it before – even served it to people convinced that every vegetarian meat alternative tastes horrible.  Unless they read this blog, they’ll STILL never know what they raved about as sinfully delicious was actually a plant-based protein found on the health food aisle of my local Safeway. The trick is to add enough olive oil to replicate the mouth-feel of its greasy, pork-based cousin and like Carla suggested, to add more sage etc. if the brand you buy isn’t sausage-flavored enough for your taste. 

Anyway, it got me thinking - since we have both turkey sausage and meatless sausage in our stores, I did a little label comparison and decided the meatless sausage is the better choice for our household.  Of course it all depends on brands – some turkey sausage includes turkey skin & fat which isn’t much better than pork, and some of the meatless choices can be very high in sodium so READ YOUR LABELS! There’s no point in swapping out pork sausage if the so-called healthy alternative is not any better for you. 

The meatless brand I used had 

• 10 fewer calories
• 2.5 grams less fat
• 1.5 grams more fiber
• 20 mg less sodium per ounce 

than the turkey sausage, which adds up, especially when one link of turkey sausage is nearly 4 oz.

I also can tell you that the biscuits and gravy were soooo good for breakfast that I modified them both again, this time for dinner, which is why I'm too full for sweets.  I added rosemary and goat cheese along with the psyllium husks to make savory biscuits just right for the dinner table, and put the gravy on a faux chicken fried steak I made using a Boca burger coated in wheat germ.  We called it Chicken Fried Fake – I won’t pretend that it was as good as a real chicken-fried steak, but it was tasty enough thanks to Carla’s “sausage” gravy – even Ozzified it’s delicious!

Shrimp & Prosciutto on Rosemary Skewers - The Neeley's shrimp skewers Ozzified -

This isn’t a mash-up or even my take on how to make the shrimp skewers the Neeleys prepared on The Chew today more in line with what Dr. Oz might deem as healthy. Instead it’s my take on Ted Allen’s recipe from way back when he was on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I’ve been making these ever since I watched the episode years ago where he showed a hapless bachelor how to prepare this simple, delicious, “not as bad for you as nacho dip” appie. It’s been a big hit at every party where I serve it.

The process is quite easy.  

• Shell & devein jumbo shrimp or easier yet, buy them that way. I use wild-caught from American waters, but if you’re not skeeved out by farm-raised shrimp from the 3^rd world, then by all means use it instead. 
• Wrap a thin slice (does it come any other way???) of prosciutto around the shrimp.  
• Insert onto a skewer that has been soaked in water.  My twist on Ted’s original recipe is using a fresh rosemary sprig from my garden in place of a skewer.  It imparts a lovely flavor and helps mitigate against the carcinogens suspected – be sure to remove the leaves first. 
• Wrap the shrimp skewers in plastic wrap & refrigerate until it is “time to par-taaay”.  
• Preheat the broiler or grill around the time your guests are supposed to arrive (if your guests tend to be punctual, do it a little earlier). You can cook them before the guests come and keep them on a warming tray, but there’s something about getting food fresh off the grill that makes it even more special. 
• When the first guests arrive, hand them your signature cocktail or whatever libation you’ve chosen to greet them with @ the door, then pop the skewered shrimp under the preheated broiler or onto the Barbie until the shrimp is opaque – usually less than five minutes.  
• They need to be turned so plan on starting your appetizer course near where you are cooking the skewers. I find it helpful to use a large spatula to flip them because the skewers tend to get too hot to handle. If the party has a lot of guests & I’m grilling a lot of skewers, I use a grill basket so they all flip at the same time.

Prosciutto is far less fatty than the bacon which means there won’t be a greasy mess on your counter during prep nor on your guests’ hands when it comes time to serve.  Less fat means less LDL cholesterol and using prosciutto instead of bacon means no nitrates if you’re using the good stuff from Italia – Prosciutto de Parma.  It also gives you less to worry about not only because the chance of food-borne illnesses from undercooked pork is far less likely with prosciutto than with raw bacon, but also with the chance of a flare-up being virtually nil when using prosciutto, you’ll spend more time with your guests and less time putting out bacon grease fires.  

Deviled Eggs Ozzified - A Clinton Kelly/Rocco DiSpirito Mash-up

Clinton Kelly’s Devilish Eggs were sooo cute that I had to make them, Ozzified of course.  When Rocco DiSpirito was on Dr. Oz last season, he made his recipe his book Now Eat This for Deviled Eggs using sweet potato instead of egg yolks and mayonnaise.   Today I made a mash-up into a healthier, kicked up version combining the best of both recipes.

Kept the hard-boiled egg whites (obviously), Dijon mustard, black pepper and paprika from both recipes, kept the sweet potatoes, shallot and Tabasco sauce from Rocco’s recipe, and used a roasted red pepper in place of the red bell pepper (because that’s what I had on hand) in Clinton’s recipe.  

Omitted altogether the salt, mayo, egg yolks and celery (only because I like the shallot in Rocco’s recipe better than I like celery) from Clinton’s recipe and the cornichons (nearly impossible to find) and flat-leaf parsley (didn’t feel like going to the store) from Rocco’s.

Made it all work together by adding pickled jalepeño slices for a mouth, a little cumin for a pop of flavor and some turmeric not only because it’s one of Dr. Oz’s super foods for its anti-inflammatory properties, but also for more color in the beta-carotene rich sweet potato, another one of Dr. Oz’s super foods.

Rocco DiSpirito/Clinton Kelly Devilish Egg Mash-Up

·        1 TBSP Dijon mustard

·        a few grinds of black pepper

·        1 sweet potato nuked in microwave until done

·        1 raw shallot, finely chopped

·        ½ tsp turmeric or curry powder

·        ¼ tsp cumin

·        6 hard-boiled eggs, cut in half, yolks discarded

·        Red pepper triangles and pickled jalepeño slices for garnish

1.  Cut cooled sweet potato in half

2.  Scoop flesh into bowl

3.  Add remaining ingredients to bowl (except eggs, jalepeño slices and red peppers) and mash together until mixed.

4.  Cut hard-boiled eggs in half, discard yolks.

5.  Fill with sweet potato filling using a pastry bag or plastic storage bag with one corner snipped.

6.  Top with two triangles of red pepper for horns and ½ pickled jalepeño slice for a snaggle-toothed smile.